The past few months was not as good as before because of our highshool friends separation. We all have gone to different universities now. It's so hard to communicate with them since we all have things to do, we all have these pain in the ass projects and homeworks. Ohhh...It really is hard in college. But, luckily, I'm having a hard time with the best people. And when you have them with you during these times, you wouldn't even bother thinking about doing important school stuff as long as you're all having fun. I just love my class.
But, enough of my wonderful definitions of my class. Let's get into the bottom of this. I'm repeating, my state right now is not as good as before. I don't really know why or what is depressing me; if it's school or my friends but one thing that I've continuously been thinking about is my relationship with this unknown guy. Well, he might not be that unknown since I've been telling stories about him but I've never stopped thinking about him. There wasn't a day that I didn't think about him. Of course this is a major issue for me.
Everyday was such a bum to me. Those dating people which PDA infront of us are not so sensitive. Well, maybe I'm just overreacting of course they want other people to know how much they love each other. But I don't know. It kills me when I see one. A bad side of this is the part where I think about this guy... It's really hard to forget about him if you didn't have any closure with him okay?
I don't know if we can even have closure if we don't seem to talk about what is us. There's nothing to close. I know we have done a lot of things together before. But that's the problem, it's BEFORE. And after that before came nothing. Which caused my paranoidity more enhanced than ever!
I hate it when I think about him. I hate it when I can't stop thinking about him anywhere. I hate it when I actually dream about him. I hate every part which made me think he could love me back, which I don't want to assume because that will just leave me to an unending regret of waiting for him. Even worse... Waiting for nothing.
I'm really tired of just staying here. I'm tired of always expecting something to happen the next day between us. I'm tired of going online just to see if you would ever bother talking to me. I'm tired of dreaming that you might be thinking about me too. I'm tired of imagining if we were together.
Why not try? What's the harm with it? Why can't we just go to that kind of flow? Why can't I be that important to you as much as I do to you? Why? Do I have any faults? Have I been mean to you? Cause the last time I checked we were okay with each other. We were even better than okay.
Sometimes, I just wish that we have something to start with so that I know if I can put these butterfly feelings out again after we end things, just like everybody else. I don't even want to be a band wagon, but it's the only way so I can finally decide what to do with you. Or if my decision of getting over you would help me find someone that would even be better than you. Hear me out because you might miss a great opportunity.
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